i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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