Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
