Please, let me fuck your mom
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
