respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
