remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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