I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
