Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
