i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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