I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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