I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize