hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
