He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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