I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize