My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
