its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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