I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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