What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
