as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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