mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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