I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
