I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
