I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
