nut hugger
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
