Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who died my cat blue again?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
