That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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