After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
