So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My feet surprised me
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