Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
