wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
