I didn't shave. On purpose
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
