So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
last night I used snow as a chaser
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