my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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