is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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