i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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