If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
