Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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