i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
