The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
