I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
