Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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