worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
