Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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