My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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