I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
