I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
