Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
