My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
