i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
