True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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