I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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