I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
