Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
