I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
