i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come share oat with me in your robe
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
