You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who died my cat blue again?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
