We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize