I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize