using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
