For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
