there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize