I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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