Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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