your parents love me but you hate me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
