I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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