it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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