so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
