don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
