Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
