I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
