is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
