Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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