dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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