Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
