I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
