So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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