how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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