He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
