okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
