It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
