be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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