i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
