FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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