I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
