is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
