Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
