I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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