is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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