i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
