Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
