FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
