just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
