I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
